Was this rite of my grandparents?

I live with my grandparents and have since i was 15 months old. My mom had signed the papers because my dad was doing stupid stuff and she couldnt take care of me and i was also getting sick all the time and she didnt have insurance. the deal was supped to be that i lived with my grandparents, but my mom could see me whenever she wanted to. at first my dad wouldnt sign the papers because he wanted me to live with my mom and not my grandparents, but somehow they talked him into signing them. After a year or two my mom tried for custody because she was actually able to take care of me, but on the day of the hearing my dad was supposed to be on her side and he showed up on the other side. They ended up postponing the case and my grandma said that she would give visitations back if my mom would drop the case. At that point my mom was out of money and had no other choice. My big sister was living with her dad at the time. My mom moved to new jersey with her dad my grandpa and i saw her quite often since i still wen to see her mom and my big sister all the time. My grandparents out of nowhere dropped the visitation which was about 8 almost 9 years ago and i havent seen her since. i saw my aunt which is my moms twin like 2 times at the store, once didnt even kno it was her. I also saw my big sister at my church once and she gave me her number and she still had my adress and she mailed me. somehow the letter and number "dissapeared" but i knew wat happened. My big sister still saw my mom and I didnt. I had another little sister from her side to that i only met once and she was only 3 months old. I have told my grandma i want to see her and stuff but she wont listen and i know that she can get in contact but she says she cant. I know exactly how to contact her but my grandma said we will wait til summer and do it than. I really highly doubt she will. I also have 2 other sisters from my dads side. I also found out that i have and older brother that was adopted from my moms side. My dad told me about him because i can still see my dad even though he messes up like way way way worst than my mom ever did. but for some reason i can still see him. I am living with his mom and step dad. But they arent my parents and i kno that. pretty much my whole life they have shadowed me and still do. I dont see why i can see my dad and not my mom. There is not point if i should be allowed to see anyone it should be my mom. My dad is really messed and stole a bunch from us. he also stole $200-$400 from me! he is really stupid and i dont know wat to do. I am onluy allowed to see one out of 5 of my siblings and that is the youngest. She is from my dads side. It really upsets me that i cant see my mom or my siblings or my cousins or aunts or any one from that side of my family. It may have been necessary at the time but id ont think there is a point at it now. I kno she has cleaned up bcuz i know some people that still talk to her. I told my grandma at least 5 times i want to talk to her. The last time she said ur not her daughter ur mine u were never meant to be her daughter and than said my mom never did anything for her and only ruined her life! that isn't true. all i want is to see my mom and i think i should b allowed to since i am 15 and she is my mom. wat do u guys think? should i b able to talk to her? should i get in contact with her any ways and forget my 4get wat my grandparents say? i hate lying to them. but i feel this is somethin i need to do. just let me kno wat you think please. srry it waz so long.